Once a week, three little boys with T21 and their moms come to my house for a Down Syndrome Coop. It’s so much fun, as these little guys are so funny and lovable. But keeping them engaged and motivated is a major piece of work. Sometimes one of the boys will wander off in the middle of a story or activity. Sometimes one will lie on the floor and space out. Sometimes a child will flat-out refuse to try an activity. So behavior management and motivation has become a vital aspect of our work.

I think it is important not to underestimate the amount of effort our children have to expend to complete what we perceive to be basic and simple tasks. We need to remember that children with T21 often have several health issues including poor sleep and low muscle tone, which make them tire easily. Our children are not lazy; in fact they have to work harder than most people to complete ordinary jobs.

However, it’s also important not to underestimate their potential for learning, especially if we can motivate them. 

So we work really hard to elicit cooperation and engagement through motivation.

Here are some of my most effective strategies for keeping my son and the boys in our T21 co-op engaged and motivated:

Understand the reasons why many children with T21 resist co-operation. Lack of co-operation or motivation usually has one of these four root causes: Control, Health problems, Attention seeking, or Task Avoidance. (I use the acronym CHAT to remember them.)

CONTROL: Because many children with T21 require extra help and supervision, they may get tired of people telling them what to do all day long. Sometimes a child’s lack of compliance is an attempt to feel as though he/she is in control.

Give choices. A child who feels he/she has chosen an activity is usually much more motivated to do it. So in our co-op, we don’t make any child do a specific activity. We’re sort of Montessori-like in that way. Instead, I put out several different activities for the children to choose from. Although we have activities we prefer our boys complete, we do offer several choices. When I’m working with Junior, I’m a little more pushy when it comes to completing specific tasks and practicing certain skills. Nonetheless, I still offer choices, and I often let him choose what he wants to do first. Taking turns choosing what activity to do next helps elicit co-operation.

Offer your child many options throughout the day so he/she feels more control. Here’s one example: This afternoon, Junior was playing cars with his older brother. The timer rang so it was time for him to use the bathroom. I said to Junior, “Time to go to the bathroom.” Right away he said, “No!” So I said, “Who do you want to help you with the bathroom? Mommy or brother?” With a charming smile, Junior announced, “Mommy!” and he immediately walked to the bathroom.

In addition, avoid over-instructing. Instead, when possible, ask questions such as “What’s the next step?” or “Would you like help with ……?” Visual schedules can help a child know what to do next without being told.

Make sure your child has enough free time to play. 

Furthermore, don’t rush him/her through too many activities. If your child is engrossed in a constructive activity, it’s better to let him finish than to pull him away to something else just to complete your checklist. Being able to do this is one of the luxuries of homeschooling, as your child does not have to march to the schedule of a class of children.

HEALTH: Young children with T21 often can’t verbalize when they’re feeling poorly. But grumpiness is usually my son’s first tell-tale sign that he’s tired or feels discomfort. Let’s not forget the myriad of health problems our kids may have to deal with at any given time: constipation, congestion, sleep apnea, ear infections, thyroid problems, heart problems, and so on.

I have found it helpful to complete the most challenging subjects in the morning, when my son is least likely to be tired. Offering frequent breaks and breaking the lessons into small chunks helps to prevent mental fatigue. Sometimes we take a “rest”, which consists of pretending to sleep (while we count to 20) and then running around. Alternating physically active games with academic work helps with focus.

When health is a problem, we need to relax our expectations. Sometimes that means simply skipping a day of school or doing less/easier work. Put aside some novel toys and books and reserve them for the rough days that are bound to happen.

3. ATTENTION – SEEKING – Many experts agree that attention-seeking is often the cause behind a lot of distracting/disruptive behaviors in children with T21. Not being a psychologist, I wonder why children with T21 tend to seek attention so much:

• Is it because they get used to getting lots of attention and special treatment from adults and thus come to expect it?
• Or is it because children with Down Syndrome generally enjoy social interactions, yet they are often ignored by peers or not included in conversations due to their delayed verbal skills?
• Or is their desire for attention actually normal but do they act out more because their executive functioning skills are relatively immature?

I have yet to find the answer. Nonetheless, because many children with T21 love and seek attention, it is extremely helpful to give lots of positive attention and praise for co-operation and completion of work. Give lavish positive attention for any good behaviors you want to reinforce. 

Praise is a powerful motivator, but it has to be sincere and specific. Praise should be honest. Don’t tell your child he did a great job if he didn’t. But keep in mind you should not be looking for perfect work but for a good effort. Emphasize effort over product, and praise your child for working hard. For example, “I like how carefully you traced that letter!” Praise should also be specific, for example, “Wow! You read that sentence slowly and clearly! That’s the way to do it!”

Bring in an audience. Junior loves when his Dad, siblings, or grandparents admire his work. Sometimes just having an audience will motivate him to work and show off what he can do. Saving work to show to family members is also very motivating. 

Give lots of hugs. Maybe it has something to do with having low muscle tone, but I have noticed that children with Down Syndrome seem to have a need for lots of physical affection. The boys in our co-op often burrow themselves into their mothers. When Junior shows some resistance to doing a task, sometimes all I have to do is give him a big hug or put my arm around him and the resistance melts away. 

Focus on the good. We parents tend to focus on bad behavior. On a really rough day, we might even keep a mental list of all the bad behaviors our children exhibit. Certainly challenging behavior needs to be addressed, but psychologists at Down Syndrome Education also recommend “capturing” moments of good behavior.” That is, creating a visual collection of the good things a child has done in a day, whether in a notebook or in a “magic pot”. Then, at the end of the school day, you review with your child all the good things he/she has done.

4. TASK-AVOIDANCE: Children with T21 are known for developing task avoidance strategies. Many children with T21 tend to avoid challenging tasks through stubborn refusal or by endearing, socially engaging behavior that leads to distraction. The tendency to rely on these strategies coupled with low task persistence can significantly reduce the amount of learning that goes on at home (or school).  So, we cannot allow ourselves to be side-tracked by cute behavior, and we must make it a priority to increase our children’s endurance and perseverance. 

It’s worthwhile to ask, why do children with T21 try to avoid certain tasks in the first place? And how can we prevent such a habit of avoidance or quitting from being formed? I would argue that children try to avoid certain tasks, generally not out of laziness, but from fear of failure or because they feel overwhelmed. On the other hand, I have found that sometimes my son tries to avoid a task because he’s bored with it. This is why we need to adapt and create curricula suited to their learning profile, use errorless learning techniques, and persevere in finding ways to engage and motivate our children.

Use the Errorless Learning Techniques described in my post about effective teaching strategies. There is nothing more demotivating than frustration or the feeling of being overwhelmed. Using errorless learning techniques will minimize frustration and help keep your child engaged. 

One of the best errorless learning techniques is following the sequence of 1) demonstration, 2) collaboration, and then 3) independence. During the demonstration, if Junior is eager to jump in and try, I actually make him wait and watch. This teaches him to wait, and it also increases his desire to try it out himself. 

Keep a list of motivators. Rewards are prizes children get to keep for completing a task. Motivators, on the other hand, are privileges the children get only when doing a specific task such as schoolwork. Tokens and rewards can be very motivating for older children who may enjoy “earning” a reward over a long period of time. Young children, however, do better with short-term gratification. Hence the use of motivators. 

Some of Junior’s favorite motivators are:

– getting to read a new book only between school activites

– getting a morning snack only during math

– getting to play with a fun fine motor toy only between handwriting activities

– getting to stick a flashcard down the slot of a container

– getting to have afternoon snack and listen to music after handwriting is done.

Some of the favorite motivators of the boys in the co-op are:

– getting to paint one Water-Wow alphabet card between reading activities

– getting to drive a matchbox car up and down the Doug and Melissa garage

– getting to play with a new puzzle

– getting to open a container and find out what’s in it

– getting to pull out a flash card from the Seek-a-boo Flip cards box

– getting to play the xylophone

To use a motivator, simply say, “First ____________ (name the task you want your child to complete), Then _________________ (name the motivator).” So, for example, First we practice these flashcards, then we read a new book.

Keep in mind that motivators should be reserved only for specific tasks. Otherwise, if a child has access them anytime, the motivators will loose their motivating power. A child’s motivators will change over time. Because children are motivated by curiosity and novel, I am always on the lookout for inexpensive but interesting toys and activities to act as fresh motivators.

Motivators are also highly useful for toilet training and for eliciting cooperation during transitions. For example, if Junior gets his shoes and coat on without any fuss, he gets to listen to music in the van. 

Save the most exciting, desirable motivators for the subject your child least enjoys or the part of your child’s routine that is most difficult. If you are consistent with sticking to your child’s routine, eventually you may be able to phase out the use of motivators for specific tasks. One example of this is using small treats during the early phases of toilet training. When we give children who are just beginning to toilet train a little treat for peeing in the toilet, we certainly don’t expect to do this for the rest of their lives. We know that at some point we will phase out the use of treats, and our children will continue to use the toilet without them.

Essentially, use motivators to help your child develop good habits such as studying certain subjects and carrying out specific chores. Once the habits are well established, you can slowly phase the motivators out.

Make the lessons fun with games and humor. Because children with T21 often need extra review and practice, it helps to play games that remove the monotony of drill. Young children love games that involve movement and gross motor skills. So, placing laminated letters, shapes, numbers, or sight words on the floor and having them stamp on them, jump on them, or throw bean bags on them is a lot of fun. Simple games such as Hide and Seek, I Spy, and Simon Says can be adapted to target your goals.  Sorting and matching games are also a fun way to add variety to review. So is using a xylophone:

I also try to capitalize on Junior’s sense of humor. He finds silly and ridiculous things so funny. Sometimes, when giving him options to choose from, I will throw in one utterly ridiculous option. For example, today we were learning about where things belong. The question was: Where do you find toothpaste? The options I gave him were: in the family room, in the bathroom, or in the refrigerator. He thought that toothpaste in the refrigerator was hilarious, so he laughed and laughed.  Sometimes I pull out a puppet of Curious George, who makes the most ludicrous mistakes. Junior is entertained by George, and he also enjoys correcting and demonstrating for George. 

Once in a while, Junior gets carried away and starts giving one silly answer after another. When that happens, it’s time to remind him he needs to give the correct answer, not the silly one. Whether or not this is an attempt at task avoidance or distraction, we need to redirect our child’s attention to the task at hand.

Your playfulness and enthusiasm will often set the tone for the lessons. So have fun and genuinely enjoy the time you spend teaching.  At the very least,  fake it ‘till you make it!  As St. Francis de Sales wrote, “You attract more bees with honey than vinegar.” Light-hearted and playful lessons will help keep your child engaged and motivated.

Make it Meaningful. Another way to keep children engaged is to make the learning meaningful to them. What is your child interested in? Ponies? Trucks? Polar Bears? Who are their favorite characters? Adapting your curricula to include your child’s favorite topics and characters can be extremely motivating. 

For example, my nephew is crazy about the movie Cars. So, my sister and I adapted some Cars books to motivate him to read. He was so excited when he received the Cars books that he did learn to read our simplified version. 

My son loves looking at family photos. So I made him several handwriting sheets with family photos so he could practice tracing the names of his family members. He enjoyed them so much I made even more. And then I made tracing sheets of words that were of high interest. Tracing the ABCs over and over was becoming boring, but tracing the names of family members was meaningful and motivating.

Junior also loves story books.  During one speech therapy session, he was quite distracted and fidgety, and the therapists had to work hard to engage him. But once they pulled out Pete the Cat’s Big Lunch, Junior was suddenly keenly interested. It was as if a light switch had been flipped on.  All of a sudden, he was answering everything correctly and speaking in full sentences.  So the therapists decided that moving forward, they would use books a lot more during therapy.

Last winter, one of the boys in our co-op was going through a rough spell, behavior-wise. But I knew he loved animals. So, during his rotations, I made sure we had lots of options involving animals. We read about animals, he learned to read words such as tiger, lion, and elephant, and we wrote sentences about animals. He counted animals and practiced using prepositions with animals. By incorporating the one thing he was passionate about, we were able to motivate and engage him.

Persevere in overcoming inertia and task avoidance. Sometimes I present Junior with a task, and he flat out refuses to do it, even with motivators, even with offers of help, even with the promise of a snack or break. One might be tempted to move onto something else — and sometimes that is just what we have to do. But I have learned (and other moms have noticed this with their own children who have T21) that if I persevere in trying to overcome his inertia, he will eventually settle down and do the work — and very often all of it! 

But to overcome that initial inertia, I have to keep trying to motivate him: I might have to sit him in my lap, I might have to sing to him, I might have to try novel motivators or make up a game. I might have to pull out a puppet or use pretend play. Often I offer to go first. Sometimes I offer a small, healthy snack between tasks. But I have to practice patience and perseverance. (I learned this from homeschooling one of my older sons who would sometimes raise a mighty ruckus and throw a terrible tantrum over having to do math, and then he would sit down and complete it!)

We need to persevere through inertia for three reasons: First, because our children need to understand that when we tell them to do school work, they have to do it. Second, because in doing so, we discover more ways to motivate and engage them. And third, because if we often give into any resistance to learning, our children lose valuable opportunities to learn and develop new skills. I want my son to reach his full potential, but to do that, he needs to develop the habit of working hard even when he doesn’t feel like it. 

Fostering perseverance is important, but not as important as your relationship with your child. So avoid power struggles, because no one wins in a  power struggle; you both lose. The time to give in is when you see that your child is really too tired or spent. Another time to give in is when you feel your own patience waning and your temper rising. At this point the lesson is not longer a teaching moment but a power struggle. This is the time say, “Okay. We’ll try this another time.” Either present a new activity or get up and leave the room, giving both you and your child time to cool off and reset.

If you do leave the room, remember that you haven’t lost the battle. Instead, think of it as a time of strategic planning: How can you present the material or practice the skill in a different, more motivating way? Can you break the activity into even smaller, more manageable tasks? Is there a better time to do this? Or did your child just need a snack or break?

Recently, Junior traced the letters from 1-10. Then I wanted him to work on some lowercase letters. But nope. He didn’t want to do it, and there was nothing I could do to convince him to work at it. He just kept saying, “No, not this.” 

Finally, I asked, “Do you need a break?” 

“Yes, read books,” he said. 

So I let him go. “Ok,” I said. “You get a break. We’ll do letters later.” 

Junior went upstairs and read books by himself while I worked with his sister. 

After a while, he came back down.  “Snack,” he announced.

“First letters, then pick up your brother, then snack,” I responded.

“Ok,” he said, climbing into his chair. “Then piano.”

And without any fuss, Junior practiced writing his letters. He traced all 27 letters of the alphabet multiple times. 

Teaching is truly a balancing act. Experience and close observation will help us know when to push for perseverance and when to relent. 

“Just two more!” That’s my last tip for motivating children with T21. One of the most important skills we can teach our children is to engage in a task and persevere to its completion. Yes, many children with T21 tire easily, so their tasks and lessons should be short and simple at first. But we need to conscientiously try to stretch their ability to focus and endure, little by little. Chris Nikic’s book 1% Better: Reaching my Full Potential and How You Can Too is a marvelous example of how we can stretch our children to build their endurance and develop a work ethic.

One very simple way is this:  when you see your child is getting tired of an activity or losing interest, set aside two cards, worksheets, or whatever he/she is working on and say, “Almost done! Just two more!” When children see the end is within easy reach, they often agree to continue to the finish line.

So to summarize:

Here are usual reasons for behavioral problems in children with T21 and how to deal with them.

1. Control – Give your child lots of options, avoid over-instructing, and give enough free play.
2. Health – Remember our kids tire easily! Work on the more difficult subjects in the morning. Be ready to adjust your expectations on sick/tired days. Have a hidden stash of novel educational toys/books for sick days.
3. Attention seeking – Praise is a powerful motivator, so bring in an audience, and focus on the good. Remember to give lots of hugs!
4. Task Avoidance – Use errorless learning techniques and appropriate curricula. Keep a list of motivators. Use fun, games, and humor. Teach with topics that are meaningful. Persevere in overcoming inertia. And slowly build your child’s focus and endurance with “Just two more!”

Motivating young children with T21 can be the most challenging part of teaching them. It’s hard work, and it definitely stretches our own patience, creativity, and tenacity. But in the process we become better parents and teachers, and most importantly, we help our children reach their full potential.

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